A Secret

I am going back to work tomorrow after my 11 weeks of maternity leave. I am excited to see my volunteers and everyone that I have missed these past couple of months. The excitement doesn’t change the fact that my heart is broken. I do not want to be away from Breckin this much.

I have a wonderful job that God has so blessed me with. I get to minister and love on the women in our community. I get to spend time with amazing women of God who have awesome testimonies of His mighty works in their lives. The job is only sixteen hours a week; Monday-Thursday from 1pm-5pm. Such awesome hours. Breckin gets to stay with his awesome grandma’s who will shower him with love. I have nothing to complain about this situation and everything to be thankful…yet I am still struggling with discontentment. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now that I have Breckin in my arms I desire this dream even more but for the time being it is still just that, a dream. Money is not the only reason (though a very big one) that I am continuing to work. The other big reason is I just don’t have a peace to quit. This has come as a surprise to me since I have always been passionate about being a stay at home mom. One thing I have learned in life is we are not called to understand…we are called to obey. Therefore I am choosing to obey and not just obey but specifically be content. Philippians 4:12-13 keeps coming to mind, “…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,<span class="crossreference" style="vertical-align: top;" value="(P)”> whether living in plenty or in want.<span class="crossreference" style="vertical-align: top;" value="(Q)”> I can do all this through him who gives me strength.“ Also, 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(P)”> is sufficient for you, for my power<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(Q)”> is made perfect in weakness.<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(R)”>”<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(S)”> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(T)”> in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(U)”> in persecutions,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(V)”> in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (I definitely do not consider my job a thorn in my flesh, just a surprise calling during this new season of life.) I repent of my discontentment and tomorrow and on I will be content through His strength and grace. I will get up tomorrow through His strength and grace. I will spend the morning with Breckin through His strength and grace. I will take Breckin to Nana Finlay’s through his strength and grace. I will cry through his strength and grace because crying is not a sign of weakness but of reality. I will get to work and genuinely be happy to be there and enjoy it through his strength and wonderful grace. I will pick up my beautiful baby, go home, make dinner for my wonderful husband and we will enjoy our evening together through Jehovah Jireh’s awesome strength and amazing grace. I will be joyful and content and enjoy this wonderful life He has blessed me with through His strength and grace.  

I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow as we embark on this new season. 

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